describing how Abraham's got emotions listed on a scale. If i cant seem to relax and enjoy myself, there's a world of emotions I can choose that's healthier than fear. Obviously since fear is at the bottom of the list. The meditation playlist was just not cutting it, so I switched over to the Sonia Seminar. A few things she says seems a little flaky to me, but most of the time, she really hits it on the head. This particular video has the 4 minute exercise, "if i weren't afraid i would..." Seems appropriate enough for the moment and I filled in the blank rather nicely. Fly on an airplane. Sell my paintings online. Drive to the city on the highway, a LOT! Sing out loud, with my terrible voice cuz nobody really cares... but eventually a thought steered me back into problems and I imagine all the things I wouldn't do now that I know better. And then I wonder, if to really go back, would I lose out on the good things from the process?
It finally occurs to me that I get to KEEP the good things. That's my gift for going through the experience. If I want to go back and release the negativity and damage, I can... but I can also keep the good. I dont have to forget... or go back... or call a do over. Just go from here. I do believe that would be letting go of blame - begin forgiveness. And maybe, just as well, that's what here is. WOULD I have done it differently? Yes, yes and yes. Why? Because I'm a good person, caring and thoughtful of others and myself. Worthy, Wiser. So I'll end with a quote that I found on a therapists website...
"Sometimes we fall asleep, get lost or forget that
we are such splendid, forgivable, adorable souls.
We step into lives that aren't ours, make choices that aren't nourishing, or dance stiffly for years with the wrong partner or parts of ourselves." --By Sark
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